The Coaching Habit

Introduction: Why You Need a Coaching Habit

• Move beyond giving advice: Resist the temptation to jump straight to solutions and advice-giving
• Build coaching into daily interactions: Transform everyday conversations into coaching opportunities
• Create more time: Effectively coaching others reduces your workload by developing their capabilities
• Focus on impact: Make your interactions more effective in less time through targeted coaching questions
• Build autonomy: Help team members become more self-sufficient and independent through coaching
• Develop coaching skills naturally: Incorporate coaching questions into regular conversations rather than formal sessions
• Create behavior change: Use the principles of behavior change science to make coaching a sustainable habit
• Overcome coaching barriers: Recognize and address the common obstacles that prevent effective coaching
• Embrace simplicity: Focus on a few essential coaching questions rather than complex frameworks
• Lead through curiosity: Cultivate genuine interest in your team members’ perspectives

The Kickstart Question

• Begin with “What’s on your mind?”: Open conversations with this question to immediately focus on what matters
• Create psychological safety: Use this question to signal your interest and create space for honest dialogue
• Listen without judgment: Avoid immediately analyzing or solving what you hear
• Focus on the person, not the problem: Show genuine interest in the person’s thoughts and feelings
• Practice patience: Allow the conversation to unfold naturally without rushing to conclusions
• Follow the 3P model: Help the person identify if the issue relates to a project, person, or pattern
• Defer problem-solving: Resist jumping to solutions before fully understanding the situation
• Use silence effectively: Be comfortable with pauses after asking the question
• Signal your attention: Demonstrate through body language that you’re fully present
• Build trust incrementally: Use this question consistently to establish trust over time

The AWE Question

• Ask “And what else?”: Use this powerful question to generate more options and insights
• Combat the “advice monster”: Ask AWE to resist the urge to immediately offer solutions
• Deepen understanding: Use AWE to uncover layers beneath the initial response
• Expand possibilities: Generate more options before deciding on a course of action
• Increase solution quality: First ideas are rarely the best ones; use AWE to find better solutions
• Maintain curiosity: Stay genuinely interested in hearing more from the other person
• Shift power dynamics: AWE gives control back to the person being coached
• Avoid leading questions: Keep your AWE neutral to prevent biasing responses
• Know when to stop: Recognize when it’s time to move on from the AWE question
• Balance quantity with quality: Aim for deeper insights, not just more thoughts

The Focus Question

• Ask “What’s the real challenge here for you?”: Cut through the symptoms to identify the core issue
• Focus on the person: Add “for you” to make the question personal and specific
• Identify the root challenge: Move past surface-level problems to underlying issues
• Simplify complex situations: Use this question to find clarity among multiple challenges
• Encourage ownership: Place responsibility for the challenge with the person being coached
• Avoid ghost challenges: Don’t allow vague “they” problems to persist without specificity
• Separate symptoms from causes: Help distinguish between effects and root causes
• Recognize patterns: Connect the current challenge to recurring themes when appropriate
• Be patient with discovery: Allow time for the person to identify their true challenge
• Focus on one challenge: Help the person select the most important issue to address

The Foundation Question

• Ask “What do you want?”: Help people articulate their true desires and needs
• Create clarity: Move past complaints to constructive articulation of wants
• Overcome the drama triangle: Break cycles of victim, persecutor, and rescuer roles
• Shift to creator mindset: Move from reactive to creative approaches to challenges
• Enhance psychological safety: Make it safe to express authentic wants
• Distinguish wants from needs: Help clarify the difference between desires and requirements
• Focus on positive outcomes: Orient the conversation toward what’s possible
• Balance aspirations with reality: Ground wants in what’s actually achievable
• Encourage bold thinking: Create space for expressing ambitious wants without judgment
• Link wants to action: Connect desires to concrete next steps

The Lazy Question

• Ask “How can I help?”: Clarify expectations and avoid assuming what help is needed
• Resist rescuing: Avoid jumping in to solve problems prematurely
• Establish boundaries: Clarify what assistance you can realistically provide
• Honor autonomy: Respect the person’s ability to determine what help they need
• Save time and energy: Provide targeted help rather than unnecessary support
• Increase impact: Focus your efforts where they’ll make the most difference
• Shift responsibility: Keep ownership of the problem with the person being coached
• Create partnership: Position yourself as an ally rather than a savior
• Manage commitments: Only promise what you can deliver
• Encourage specificity: Push for clear requests rather than vague appeals for help

The Strategic Question

• Ask “If you’re saying yes to this, what are you saying no to?”: Highlight the trade-offs in any decision
• Recognize finite resources: Acknowledge limited time, energy, and attention
• Make trade-offs explicit: Bring hidden costs of decisions into the open
• Prioritize effectively: Use this question to identify what truly matters
• Manage capacity realistically: Prevent overcommitment by considering opportunity costs
• Question automatic yeses: Challenge the habit of agreeing without consideration
• Consider strategy impacts: Evaluate how choices align with strategic priorities
• Examine consequences: Explore the ripple effects of decisions
• Strengthen boundaries: Support team members in protecting their time and focus
• Develop strategic thinking: Train others to consider broader implications of choices

The Learning Question

• Ask “What was most useful for you?”: Encourage reflection and reinforce learning
• Create learning moments: End conversations with reflection to cement insights
• Provide closure: Bring conversations to a meaningful conclusion
• Reinforce value: Help people articulate what they found most helpful
• Encourage self-discovery: Allow people to identify their own learnings
• Build confidence: Highlight progress and growth through reflection
• Increase retention: Improve memory of insights through active recall
• Guide future interactions: Learn what the person finds most valuable for next time
• Practice gratitude: End conversations on a positive, appreciative note
• Create continuous improvement: Build a habit of regular reflection in your team

Making It Happen

• Start small: Begin with just one coaching question to build your habit
• Create triggers: Identify specific situations that will prompt your coaching questions
• Design for success: Make the new habit as easy as possible to implement
• Celebrate progress: Acknowledge your efforts to build a coaching habit
• Expect resistance: Prepare for pushback as you change familiar interaction patterns
• Build accountability: Find ways to track and reinforce your coaching habit
• Practice consistently: Use your coaching questions daily to build fluency
• Learn from failures: View setbacks as learning opportunities, not permanent defeats
• Seek feedback: Ask how your coaching approach is working for others
• Connect to purpose: Remember why building a coaching habit matters to you

Key Takeaways

1. Question-centered approach: Focus on asking powerful questions rather than providing answers
2. Seven essential questions: Master the seven questions that form the foundation of effective coaching
3. Daily application: Integrate coaching into everyday conversations, not just formal sessions
4. Curiosity over expertise: Cultivate genuine curiosity rather than positioning yourself as the expert
5. Brevity and focus: Keep coaching conversations short and targeted for maximum impact
6. Behavior change principles: Apply the science of habit formation to make coaching consistent
7. Empowerment focus: Use coaching to develop others’ capabilities and independence
8. Strategic simplicity: Embrace the power of a few well-chosen questions over complex methods
9. Listening priority: Make listening your primary coaching tool, not talking or advising
10. Continuous practice: View coaching as an ongoing practice rather than a destination